I Think to Myself

'I can't believe I'm doing this' I think to myself.

'I haven't been out for months and honestly, I don't want to go out tonight either.’

I loo into the mirror. I say to myself ‘What?!’  berlagak menantang tapi kutahu hatiku takut dan sedih. Will tomorrow be the same day?

I stand there looking at my self and surrounding. I see what my friends didn’t see. And I see myself miserable. Bukannya minta dikasihani, bahkan aku merasa tak layak untuk dikasihani.

I just want to be alone.. NO.. That what I want my self to believe. But the more I think, I need someone.. I need my family, my best friends and my dear sister.. Hope you know and understand what I feel.. Cuma manja aja..

I am bad, but I don’t want to look bad in front of everybody. I don’t want to admit how fragile I am. But I feel the more I hide it, the more stupid I look.

I want to move on from this life style. I am trying to.. Man, cape banget hidup up & down begini.. Yah kalo joget “wi are wi wi are”-nya EXID sih memang cape juga, tapi kalau ini capenya beda..

I realize hidup itu memang naik turun.. Tapi kalau up & down-nya secepar naik roller coaster, well ga enak, man… Terutama di relationship with others. How important relationship is for you? How you take care of it? And if you have friend with problem like me, will you still be my friend? J

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